one moment, you’re holding the person you love the most so close. So close you swear you could break them in half….and then you get an evil idea to try to. And they don’t even think that - they recognise it as pure love and affection of wanting to just absorb yourself with them.
and then the next. you can’t message them without feeling like an imposition, like you know they don’t want to talk to you. Well you feel like they don’t anyway.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this feeling properly until now. where someone in your life who knows you so well - becomes a complete stranger. like any other person on the street you glance at but never pay attention to.
I encounter hundreds of different people every week. And never pay attention more than a dollar amount and a courteous smile.
So why did you pay attention to me. Out of the sea of people. What made me stick out.
Because I sure as hell don’t understand it. Or feel like i can even bring myself out of a sea of people at the moment to show my true colours. Let me be myself with anyone.
the true me.
communication in sounds, not words, just indistinguishable noises.
a social smoker.
lover of bourbon and coke - even if the bourbon is ridiculously expensive.
Shy to the point where I stress over meeting new people meeting me and automatically hating me.
in love with all things disney, and i don’t care if that makes me a 4 year old. i fucking love it.
becomes obsessive with television shows like Friends.
lover of avocado.
When i’m half asleep i become hyper emotional, to the point of crying over red panda’s not being free from the zoo.
I am opinionated and to the point most of the time. if it doesn’t come out straight away it will once i’m drunk. (that’s not the best quality must admit)
Scared. Scared of being alone. being without someone who knows every tiny detail down to a T. because by the time you get to know me that well - years have passed and who knows if you’ll even really like - me?
“I get way too sensitive when I get attached to someone. I can detect the slightest change in the tone of their voice, and suddenly I’m spending all day trying to figure out what I did wrong.”—Humans of New York - Amman, Jordan (via 5000letters)
“One day, he’s going to know. He’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. He’ll know how old you were when you learnt to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. He’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. He’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. He’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. He’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. He’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. He’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. He’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s his favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. He’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. He’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. He’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. He’s going to know how you feel without you telling him, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. He’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? He is still going to love you.”—(via a-skeleton-truth)
“What I’ve Learned:
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.”—Oliver Nolau (via suspend)